Scotland has approved the construction of a wind-farm situated off the coast of Aberdeen, much to the dismay of leather-faced shit-magnate Donald 'Grizzly-Tits' Trump.
The custard-maned billionaire criticised the construction as a 'purely political decision'.
Trump - who owns a £750m golf resort/trouser exhibition that overlooks the north sea several miles away from the proposed site - has threatened to use his raging financial lovemuscle to nip the project in its tender virginal bud. The basis of his complaint being that those distant pylons will spoil the view from his luxury course, itself controversially built on protected Scottish dunes. Hypocrisy, thy name is Donald.
The custard-maned billionaire criticised the construction as a "purely political decision." As opposed to a culinary decision, like "what am I going to have for tea tonight?" or "do I prefer my nipples smothered in peanut butter, or whipped cream?" Which are far more relevant decisions to ol' murder-eyes-Donny.
What Trump means to say is that no factors apart from political popularity-mongering have been considered, which is highly ironic considering how unpopular the decision appears to be. Also ironic, yet satisfyingly typical, is the fixation behind Trump's own opposition to the scheme: He thinks it might lose him a bit of money.
You see, the clients of his golf course are millionaires, and millionaires don't like to be confronted with the realities of cheap, renewable energy. It makes them worry about terrifying things like healthy poor people, wealth redistribution and affordable luxuries. Donald never wants to have that nightmare ever again, you know, the one where he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming "NO FIDEL, NOT THE HUMMER, TAKE ANYTHING BUT THE HUMMER!!!" before realising it was all some quasi-socialist dystopic dream, coddling up to his US constitution-inscribed body pillow and wanking over the dots and zeroes in his bank balance. If you squint they look a bit like boobs, hurr hurr.
It appears that all this worrying and furious masturbation has put a dent in plans for a second 18-hole course. Poor little Donald Duck-face can't believe that something as irrelevant to his short-term future as a government sponsored £230m renewable energy project might get in the way of these plans. Oh, and it's ruining the Scottish countryside or something...
Interestingly, the proposed windfarm in question would be used as a test-bed for advanced turbine designs, thereby contributing to global research into how we are going to survive on this planet after Trump's all-encompassing ego is gone, no longer blocking the thick smog from reaching the ozone layer. To criticise the project for disregarding natural beauty is tantamount to criticising flu vaccinations for giving you the sniffles. Those glorious highlands and his tosser-filled golf course won't look so pretty when the icecaps melt and they're 200ft underwater.
In the end it appears that Trump's enormous wealth won't buy him the same political sway he enjoys across the pond. His 'good friend' Alex Salmond - the Scottish first minister, a teddy-bear clone of Gordon Brown with the ability to smile and not look like a wincing turnip - has ignored persistent tantrums and pressed ahead. Donald will just have to hope that when he does finally suffer through the indignity of phallic turbines penetrating his precious Scottish vista, he'll remember to clear out all the muck from his sand pit.
